My fifth graders this morning were amazing. They were picking it up, throwing it down, and owning their lesson today. I got to watch them do rhythm math, and explain their thinking to the class, and each kid had it down. I heard them sing, and it actually was a pleasant sound. I had a chat with them about behavior, and how I want to treat them like the middle schoolers they're about to be, rather than the kinders they were 5 years ago. They heard me, behaved, listened, and I'm pretty sure they actually learned. I was on top of the world.
Wham. second grade. Squirrely, wriggly, and dropkickable. My I-got-kids-to-learn high didn't just wear off. It burned off before the kids even sat down and looked at me. Granted, that took almost ten freaking minutes.
By the time I got to my first graders at the end of the day, I was snippy, frazzled, and I was pretty sure I had blood shot eyes and a serial killer smile. This suspicion was confirmed when I walked out of my room to find a wide eyed colleague looking at me. "You look... tired," I was informed.
I was tired. I spent the next 90 minutes putting together some plans and tidying up my classroom for tomorrow. I put my things away, gathered my goods, and trudged out to my car to head home. The whole drive home, though, I was stressing and fuming. The kids were little hellions. I was a horrible teacher. The classroom teachers were all amazing teachers with phenomenal careers and pretty hair, and I was the crazy music teacher who was going to be bald from tearing my hair out in chunks. I couldn't shake it off. I couldn't leave my classroom in my building.
Other than heavy drinking or punting the seven year olds you see at the supermarket, how do you unwind? How do you shake off a day that seems to be following you around? How do you cleanse the stress? Possibly more importantly, how do you convince yourself after a really long day or floundering and failing that you're a competent educator with very nice hair and that your students are not all spawn of hell demons?
As the mom of one that age... Don't lose hope. They are learning/relearning how to be there, how to behave and listen to their tacher. I bet in a montth's time you'll look back and remember how hard it was then, and be glad you've found your rhythm,
ReplyDeleteAnd while I'm no teacher, I will say that a way I help myself to let stuff go is to set a time limit, and then have a good long wallow until that time is up. Enjoy it, then move forward with something positive. You are a great woman, and you will excell. You just have to make it past this.
Oh, Sam. I miss you and love getting to hear your voice through this blog post, even a frazzled one. I have no doubt you are becoming an amazing teacher! My music teacher was one of my most important teachers in gradeschool, and I know I would have FLIPPED OUT as a child to have a teacher like you.
ReplyDeletemy unwinding techniques may not apply here. I just wanted to say I love and miss you! *I paint though, play piano, or do crunches :)